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Online,
In Love and Out-of-Reach...
Dearest
Anthony,
This is Cameron. I'm a 21 year old guy. I've been reading your e-mails
and think you give GREAT advice...now, it's my turn to ask the questions!!
OK!! I live in FL and I've been talking to this guy online, now, for
like a month. We are MAD about each other. The only problem is, he
lives in NYC!! This is tearing us apart. I've never been able to understand
how people always keep these online things going. I would NEVER wanna
let him go, but what can I do? He's so far away from me and I don't
know what to do. We talk every day and tell each other how much we
want to be together. It's just so hard to see the logic in all of
this. You know? Anyway, it's getting tough to think of him every day
and do nothing about it. I'm coming up to NYC in June, but that's
so far away and it's only for a week. I mean, it'll be the best thing
in the world to be able to see him, but again...it's only for a week.
I'm wondering if you have any advice as to what I should do. And FYI...I
can't WAIT to go to Kurfew!!! :oP
—
In Love & So Far Away
(camarcher@hotmail.com)
Dear
"In love and So far away",
OK, I don't mean to be the cynical pin to pop your "so in love"
balloon, but let me give you a sound piece of advice. If you have
never met this guy before but you think you are in love from an
"online relationship," think again. I have talked to people online
for years only to meet them later on and find out that what worked
on instant messages fell apart in person. So please, to protect
your own heart, be aware of this possibility and go to New York
with an open mind...don't expect too much or you will probably
be let down. The convenience of online romance is that both parties
involved can make themselves believe that they are getting exactly
what they have dreamed of all there lives. Meeting in person is
sometimes a rude awakening. On the other hand if you meet him
and are still "so in love with him," or if you have already met
him, take things slowly, there is no reason to commit yourself
to someone who is so far away. Maybe somewhere down the line if
things work out you guys might consider living in the same area
code, and at that point you'll want to consider a more serious
commitment. At 21 I am sure you don't want to tie yourself down
to a long distance commitment. There are many other ways to be
close to someone without being engaged, so be young, and have
fun!
—
Anthony
Dear
"In love..."
I agree with Anthony on some points, but also believe that gay
people are as entitled to an amazing love story as anyone else.
I remember marveling over the story of the beautiful loyalty
and romance between two of my grandparents in their youthful
days, and their ability to overcome war and continental
separation to maintain their love for each other. The simple
fact of being young does not mean you need to throw out the
possibility of establishing an incredibly meaningful relationship.
If something is to work, I do agree with Anthony that you certainly
have to at least meet the guy in person before worrying about
how you're going to spend the rest of your life in a long-distance
relationship. Chances are that one or both of you will realize
that you're not ready to make that kind of commitment, and even
a week's worth of ideal romance will probably not change that.
On the other hand, if the both of you are of that particular
personality type that is prepared to make big sacrifices in
the name of "love," then I would tell both of you
to keep an open mind. On the far off chance that you've happened
upon your soulmate, I certainly would not want to be the one
that discourages you from giving love a chance.
