Dude Looks Like a Lady

Dear Anthony,
Ok, I have two problems......first and most important, I am a gay 18 year old guy. I went to Kurfew for the first time this weekend. I had so much fun, but there was one problem. I didn't get approached by anyone, because I look like a girl. Most gay guys I meet think I am a girl, because I have a pretty  face, I dress very "white-girlieish" and I am a BIG diva. So, I get a lot of times everyone thinking I am a girl. It's hard, because I want a boyfriend but  I don't want to NOT be me. I love the way I look, dress and act....but what am I going to do? Funny thing is, when I was at kurfew this weekend, straight  guys and lesbians were hitting on me, and the gays were asking me if i was a "fag hag" or lesbian. So, again....what am I going to do about this problem?

Second question....I like this guy at my school. He is very weird-like. Like, he knows how I feel about him, because I told him....but he says he is  straight. He shows gay/or bi tendencies. He flirts with me, and always asks me questions about my sexuality......because I am very open at my high school. All my gay friends think he is, and even girls he has sex with. What should I do?? I really like him, a lot.
— Jojo (flynch5786@aol.com)
 

Dear Jojo,
      Your first problem is one that pits self integrity against lonliness.  If you like the way you look, then you shouldn't change it for anyone.  If you change yourself just because you want a boyfriend it will only end in a destructive relationship which will give you more pain than pleasure.  It may seem to you that this has oversimplified the problem, but you are only eighteen, and that is very young.  Everyone who I know who starts a "serious" relationship when they are this young, (including myself) usually realizes some years later that they have only buried important parts of their personality in order to fill a void in their life.  In this respect you should feel a little bit ahead of the game.  You have come to terms with who you are before meeting someone who wants to change it.  Enjoy being 18 and don't worry too much about finding a boyfriend right away.  When the right person comes along who accepts you for who you are, you will know.  A lot of guys in their teens and early twenties are too immature to deal with someone who knows who they are and what they want.  Learn to deal with your loneliness on your own. Usually when you learn to stand on your own two feet and realize that you don't "need" a boyfriend is when you are truly ready for a mature relationship.
     As for your second problem, there really isn't much you can do right now.  If the guy is gay, he obviously isn't mature enough to deal with it right now, and if you try to back him into a corner it will only send him running.  The best thing for you to do is just be a friend to him for right now.  Answer his questions and spend time with him, the friendship will be more valuable than any relationship that you might try to force.  Also, if somewhere down the road he comes to terms with who he is, the friendhsip between the two of you will be a very important prerequisite to a powerful relationship.  Waiting isn't always the easiest thing to do, but sometimes we have no choice.  I hope that this has helped you out.
—Ambiguous Anthony