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by Dave |
When I entered high school at my present age of 14, I met a small number of
gay people, both guys and girls. It wasn't their influence that made me gay,
rather it was their influence that enabled me to "come out of the closet."
They were all out of the closet and appeared to be physically and mentally
stable despite the enormous social pressures of the high school environment
to "fit in." I saw this as an open window and opportunity to come out
to my friends. I figured since there were other kids who were gay and
out, that it would be a suitable atmosphere for me to come out. I soon
found out I was ill prepared for the many obstacles and challenges that I
would encounter during my experience of coming out.
The first time I decided
to admit my sexuality to anyone was when I was sleeping over my friend Brian's
house with a few other friends. We were up pretty late into the night
and we started talking about everyone who we thought was gay at our school.
I decided to add my name to the list of people being gay. The first
reaction I got was a bunch of perplexed faces. They didn't believe me
at first because I was the comedian of the group and wasn't taken seriously
most of the time. About one hour later they were asking me what it was
like to be gay. They have finally accepted me. The only thing
I didn't know was what I was in for for the next few months at school.
The next Monday I received my
first negative comment of "fag." I had soon found out that my so-called
friends had made a news broadcast to the school that I was gay. I went
through a period of denial saying that I wasn't gay and that it was a big
lie that my friend Scott spread about me because we were in a fight.
I wasn't ready to face a society that was aware of my sexuality. I didn't
anticipate this reaction before I came out and initially regretted what I
had done. I tried walking back into the closet through denial but it
only made things worse. Denial is not the way to go. If you state
you are gay one day, and straight another, you are forced to settle the whole
matter by admitting to a bigger crowd that you are gay, just as I had to do.
Now I just come and say "I'm gay" if someone asks me. But not every
story has a happy ending.
I went through humiliation
and teasing for the next few months as I stated above. There are too
many encounters of this type to write. But I will go into more detail in further
articles. As a result of all the teasing I fell into a gloomy state
for about a week until I finally uncovered what I should have seen at first
when I came out.
With the help of my friend
Chris, who I deeply thank for his enormous maturity and insight, I was able
to confront my fears and the people who were pestering me. The biggest
key to coming out of the closet in high school is to always have a friend
who is by you constantly. With a friend near by to help fight your wars
against other people bothering you, you don't feel so belittled by the comment
you receive. My friend Chris has stood up for me a myriad number of
times and has pulled me over this hill. Now my self esteem is higher
than I started with and I'm finally confident facing the high school as a
gay student.
From this experience I
have learned and unraveled many things about being gay, coming out, and my
future. If someone makes a crude comment towards me in the hallway,
I am no longer irked by it. Instead, I look passed that and say to myself
that they are trash and since they can't respect someone for being different
then I can't respect them. I just keep walking down the hall and don't
sink to their level of stupidity by responding or fighting back. Coming
out of the closet helped me to understand who I am more clearly. At
this point in my life I do not regret coming out. Instead, I am eager
to confront to new obstacles that await me in the future. For every
gay person there is a first step: coming out of the closet......If you've
got the guts to do it, make it a bold step!
For the question, "Is it a good idea to come out of the closet at age 14?" I can't give an answer that applies to every person or every case. In many ways it is a good idea and in others it is not recommended to come out as early as I did. If you're fortunate, your friends will understand you more and you WILL get a lot more respect. My friends have been very supportive to me. I hear stories after school about how they have told off people who were making fun of me. All those stories make me realize coming out was a good idea. But there were many negative outcomes that make it a bad idea to come out. There are many people in the high school who are simply unable to change and to respect those who are different just because of the way they are themselves inside. These people are easily ignored which makes it a better environment for someone to come out. All in all, answering the question - Is coming out good or bad for a 14 year old - the answer relies on what type of surroundings and atmosphere you are coming out to. I happened to come out into a great atmosphere where the majority of people have eventually accepted me and have more respect for me. In turn, I have more respect for them.
Editor's Note: Coming out to family members is often a more difficult step than coming out to peers. It's important to realize that you must be practical and realistic. If you think your parents are going to throw you out of the house or react violently, then it's really in your better interest to keep your sexuality to yourself until you have the support of others you can turn to should the worst response occur. If you're lucky, your parents may have already raised the topic of homosexuality, and perhaps have indicated that they're open minded about such things. If that's the case, it might prove to be worthwhile to come out early. Again, it's not an easy decision to make. But one thing is more important than anything else: if you're in dire need of someone to talk to, find a support group, contact your school counselor, call a hotline. And contribute to this page to help others (email junior@kurfew.com).We'll be posting referral information in this column in the near future. Nothing is more tragic than a young gay person who harms himself or takes his own life because he's unable to find anyone to reach out to. In fact, we at Kurfew have pledged to begin a campaign to wipe out suicides by young gays. If you've ever thought about it (and many gay youths have) remember that the vast majority of gay people indicate that life gets remarkably easier and better with every passing day. And if you're going to do something extreme to change your life, then make the extreme step of coming out to your friends and then just deal with it. No one is promised a perfectly simple life, and the process of coming out and dealing with the outcome can bring about maturity, compassion, patience, and other qualities of a great human being!
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