Ask Jeff & Anthony

Involving your husband is a good idea...

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: December 6

In Answer To: Married and just found out I'm bi. (Rebecca)

First of all, it's wonderful that you are open about this with your husband.

The word "Cheating," means that you are breaking the rules, where the rules are set by the two people in the relationship. It does not, in itself, mean that you are involved with someone other than your ife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend. If your husband agreed to allow you an "exploratory experience" with another woman, or if you, he, and the other woman all had an experience together (he might like that), then that does not constitute "cheating," because you've all agreed on new rules.

Many couples have agreements, whether they be "open relationships" or "partially-open relationships" in which they can sexually explore beyond their current relationship as long as they are open about it with their significant other. Let me not understate the risk, however: one person or the other could get too involved or interested in someone else, or feelings of intense jealousy could arise, and the original relationship can get destroyed.

I personally prefer a monogamous relationship, but do recognize that others may be able to live under different arrangements.

There are two different ways you can go here:

1. Stick to your hubby and resist the temptation to explore. Whether you are straight, gay or bi, you will ALWAYS find yourself attracted to others who are not your husband, and it's just a part of commitment that you have to learn to keep these feelings in check.

or

2. Since you are so open with your husband, discuss the possibility of your exploration of your feelings for a woman. Maybe you might even involved him in a "threesome" or other arrangement. Again, the key is being open with your husband...none of this should be done behind his back or without his knowledge or else see the definition of "Cheating" above. If he's not at all happy about it, you'll have to respect his wishes. But if he's willing to go along with it, you can perhaps have the best of both worlds. But always remember that any such arrangement can potentially jeopardize your relationship with your hubby...in other words, it's not risk-free.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Questions In This Thread

• Husband says he's bi...should i stay or should i go?
  Lillmiss -- September 12
  • You need to do some serious evaluating...
    Jeff -- October 8
    • How can I trust him?
      lilmiss -- October 10
      • Work on the relationship first...
        Jeff -- October 10

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