Ask Jeff & Anthony

With friends (and boyfriends) like that....

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: December 6

In Answer To: Is my new boyfriend cheating with my friend? (Joel)

When you jumped up from the library and ran across campus because you forgot to give your boyfriend a "hug and kiss," I suspect the real reason is that in the back of your mind you knew something wasn't quite right.

Unless there is some very valid reason why your boyfriend and your friend would be hanging out together in a "back room" of the art center, you have every right to feel betrayed. Perhaps nothing sexual happened, but from what I can gather the intent to betray was there. Otherwise, why would your friend have lied by saying he was going to meet a girl?

A good rule of thumb for gay people is "hands off your friend's boyfriend." With his actions, your friend is basically saying to you, "I really don't care that much about our friendship...I'd rather be with your man," and your boyfriend is saying, "I don't care that much about our relationship, I'd rather be with your friend."

If they intend to get together, it is unlikely that anything you will say will stop it from happening. If somehow they both come to their senses and apologize about their actions, that would be the only scenario I could see where either the relationship or the friendship can be salvaged. Otherwise, keeping such a friend will only result in perpetual anguish as he will no doubt continue considering any of your future boyfriends, "fair game." And the same thing can be said about your current "boyfriend."

If I were in your shoes, I would cut off contact with both ("silent treatment") and let them come to me to explain what happened and why. In the meantime, get out there and find yourself a real friend...and a real boyfriend. Nobody ever said finding decent people is easy!

- Jeff

Questions In This Thread

• Is my new boyfriend cheating with my friend?
  Joel -- December 2
  • With friends (and boyfriends) like that....
    Jeff -- December 6

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