Ask Jeff & Anthony

Re: He did it once but will he do it again???

Submitted By: HELENA
Date: November 7

In Answer To: He did it once but will he do it again??? (Chris)

HI GUYS,
You both seem great, so here is my question, and forgive me if it seems out of line; I don't mean it to be, I just do not know where to turn.
Is it possible that a seemingly straight male who is married can have a wide host of gay male friends and not be gay?
My husband of five years has several gay male friends, all of whom I have met and have enjoyed many evenings of dinner and drinks with; We have always had lively conversation and these men are absolutlely charming to me; I never questioned my husbands friendships, because one of my dearest friends also has several male gay friends.
The problem is this: A mutual friend of my husband and mine, who is a married woman and whom has been friends with my husband for over ten years has told me recently that my husband is, in fact, gay, that it is common knowledge to everybody except me, and she thinks it is about time I knew this. She then stated one of his friends, whom I have become very fond of (in a purely caring way) was sexually involved with my husband for several years; this is one of the gay men whom I have welcomed into my home and have since considered to be a friend of mine as well; I never once detected looks or expressions of intimacy between them;
To make a long story short, I asked my husband about it; He looked completely stunned, then hurt, started to cry and vehemently denied it, stating they were never more than great friends to each other.
This was yesterday; I tried to come to the conclusion that the person who told me this was either jealous of me or my husband or jealous of my husband's friendship with this gay gentleman.
When I went out for the afternoon, I kissed my husband goodbye, but had to go back to retrieve my bag; I heard him through the door on the phone leaving a message to this man to the effect of this: ("Give me a call when you get in, don't talk to anybody before you talk to me, the situation, bye for now.")
My legs were shaking when I heard this. I ran down the hall and went to work anyway, trying to understand what the hell is going on.
I don't know what to think here; Has your experience in the counselling field given you the ability to form an opinion about this? My heart is breaking, I do love my husband, that will never change, but now I have these doubts that I just cannot get rid of; I cannot be with somebody who swings both ways, it is just not my style.
any advice on how I can go about this to find out the truth, or what clues can I look for?
I sure hope you are able to answer this, whether or not it is an answer I wish to hear. Ijust need to know the truth.
Thanks again and take care.

Questions In This Thread

• He did it once but will he do it again???
  Chris -- September 23
  • Probably
    Anthony -- September 25
  • Re: He did it once but will he do it again???
    HELENA -- November 7
    • prepare for the worst
      Anthony -- November 23

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