Ask Jeff & Anthony

prepare for the worst

Submitted By: Anthony
Date: November 23

In Answer To: Re: He did it once but will he do it again??? (HELENA)

Helena,

I have to admit that from what you have said, it doesn't look good. It is all together possible that your husband is staight and that these rumors and overheard phone conversations are simply misunderstandings, but this doesn't sound likely to me. I know that you will not allow yourself to believe it until you have some hard proof though. You can try talking to him again...try talking to his gay friends (many gay men have a compassionate side, if you appeal to this side of them as a confused woman looking for help and answers you might get what you are looking for), there is also the more questionable method of going through his stuff (including his computer files)...many would argue that it's ok if you have "just cause", but that is an ethical decision you'll have to make on your own. At any rate, if your husband has indeed been "swinging that way", it is only a matter of time before you find the undeniable proof. The question is what next? I gather that you are now and will be in the future dealing with a number of volatile emotions...deceit, betrayal, loss, inadequacy, rage, depression, confusion, etc. It is important that you don't blame yourself for what has happened or kick yourself for having been naive. You are going to need to talk to your husband about this more though and hope that he will be honest. I know that confrontation about this subject is probably quite difficult, but it is necessary. Best of Luck, keep me updated.

Questions In This Thread

• He did it once but will he do it again???
  Chris -- September 23
  • Probably
    Anthony -- September 25
  • Re: He did it once but will he do it again???
    HELENA -- November 7
    • prepare for the worst
      Anthony -- November 23

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