Ask Jeff & Anthony

"You can't always get what you want!"

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: May 11

In Answer To: How do I win this guy over??? (Merboy)

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there's got to be a point where you take your losses and move on to someone more available.

The first issue is that you don't even really know if this guy is gay or not. He's had a girlfriend, and being effeminate, living in a gay city, and wearining makeup are no longer definite clues about one's sexual orientation. In fact, I know several bonafide straight males who fit his category. Appearing "gay" has almost become a popular style among certain straight men.

And if he is indeed gay, it's pretty obvious that his priorities right now do not include spending time with you. He's got multiple jobs and a band he's very involved with and he's been quite clear that free time was a problem with his girlfriend. The "I'll call you Monday" is another strong strong signal! You might be the most gorgeous guy in the world, but if he's too busy...he's too busy!!! Not everybody puts finding a relationship as the #1 priority.

Persistent badgering might do one of two things: it might get you that spontaneous date, or it might drive him away from you completely. But given what you've already described about this guy, it's unlikely that even a spontaneous date will lead to much.

Bottom line: You've already put too much energy and time into this one guy. Give it a break and try to direct your attention to someone else. A teenager gets obsessed with a single individual, but at the age of 29 you can muster the maturity to realize you need to move on. If his schedule clears up in the future and he calls you, make the decision about what you want to do at that time. But until then...MOVE ON!

Questions In This Thread

• How do I win this guy over???
  Merboy -- May 5
  • "You can't always get what you want!"
    Jeff -- May 11

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