Ask Jeff & Anthony

Affirm that you accept him the way he is!

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: March 5

In Answer To: What to do about friend who isnt eating... (Problematic)

Perhaps the sight of you dancing shirtless, or of other shirtless boys, has planted the idea in his head that he needs to have a body like yours to win your acceptance. I wonder if you might have made a couple of innocent comments ("awww...what cute love handles!", etc.) that might have triggered this new starvation/exercise mode, and maybe also inspired a small twinge of guilt in you. Regardless, I commend you for noticing that he's eating less and less.

My advice is to be direct with your friend and ask him why he's eating less and less or why he's spending so much time in the gym. If he mentions he's trying to lose weight, or that he's trying to "bulk up," the best thing you can tell him is how much you like the way he looks right now. It will likely take some repeating of your compliments over time to start making an impact on his behavior, but if you truly care about him (which it seems you do) I think he'll get the message.

Since he appears to be hypersensitive to his weight already, it would also be wise to avoid any kind of comments that might intensify this insecurity and throw him back into the starvation mode. Instead, simply let him know you like him just the way he is. That's music to anybody's ears!

Good luck!

Questions In This Thread

• What to do about friend who isnt eating...
  Problematic -- March 4
  • Affirm that you accept him the way he is!
    Jeff -- March 5
  • Sometimes I hate thinking of "subjects"
    Anthony -- March 29

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