Ask Jeff & Anthony

A quick sexuality lesson!

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: January 8

In Answer To: Is my boyfriend gay, bi or just confused (Mishla)

When I first became involved with nightclubs and parties, I was astounded at stories of so-called straight men who would date drag queens. I could understand the initial attraction, as many drag queens look like beautiful and distinctive women. But once the relationship progressed to the point that there was no hiding that the drag queen is a man, I no longer buy the argument that this "straight man" is 100% straight.

After a few years of really trying to understand this phenomenom, I've reached my own conclusion that drag queens and she-males provide homophobic gay/bi males with an acceptable path towards same-sex fulfillment. Their homophobia might be from a hyper-religious upbringing, or social/cultural programming. But the fact that the object of desire looks like a women allows the male the physchological comfort of believing he's still really straight.

Not everybody fits every category, and your boyfriend might fall into an entirely different camp. But the fact that your sex life has disappeared, and he's masturbating to she-male magazines only confirms that he is seeking to pursue his homosexual desires.

Given that I suspect he might be homophobic and also likely gay, bringing up the issue is likely to be a tricky one and I don't think you need to play counselor. I would only tell him that you're not being sexually fulfilled in this relationship. If that changes things, take it once step at a time but if not, it's time to move on. Thankfully you're not married, and it doesn't sound like you have kids, so finding this out early is far better than dealing with it later!

He may say he loves you, but you deserve affection and sexual interaction from your boyfriend. If you can't get it from him, allow your relationship to become platonic as you pursue someone genuinely attracted to you.

Questions In This Thread

• Is my boyfriend gay, bi or just confused
  Mishla -- January 3
  • Getting to the bottom
    Anthony -- January 7
  • A quick sexuality lesson!
    Jeff -- January 8

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