Ask Jeff & Anthony

There's no rush...time will tell...

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: June 6

In Answer To: AM I GAY??!?!?! (A. H.)

There's no set age at which someone would know for certain whether or not they can call themselves "gay." Some people actually never figure out if they should label themselves "GAY" or "STRAIGHT" or "BI." But you shouldn't put so much value on the label, because that's all it is...a label! The more I hear honest stories from all types of people, the more that I appreciate how sexual orientation rarely falls into a neat, distinct category, but is indeed more like the Kinsey Scale. People tend to label themselves as "Straight," "Gay" or "Bisexual," based upon roughly which end (or middle) of that scale they perceive themselves to be on.

There are "straight" guys who can get aroused by other guys, and "gay" guys who can get aroused by girls. And there are members of both sexes who are genuinely equally attracted to both sexes! The question is really what's right for you. If you're more comfortable with guys, and more aroused by guys, you might think of yourself as "gay." But you're recognizing a physical attraction to females as well...so it seems to me you may fall somewhere in the middle. But what's more important is to recognize that your sexual orientation (and your understanding of it) is still evolving. Yes, some 14 year olds seems to "know for sure," especially those who feel they've been "gay since birth," but that's usually because the intensity of their particular same-sex feelings is so strong and definite, they have little to question. In your case, it's not so simple. It probably won't take you till 21 to figure it out, but I would certainly relax and give youself some time to see how your feelings and attractions evolve.

What you DON'T want to do is push yourself prematurely, or allow yourself to be pushed into a relationship before you're ready. Take a deep breath, enjoy your young teenage years, and give youself the time to figure it out. Write us back if you have more questions!

Questions In This Thread

• AM I GAY??!?!?!
  A. H. -- June 5
  • There's no rush...time will tell...
    Jeff -- June 6

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