Ask Jeff & Anthony

look for the clues, then take a chance!

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: October 8

In Answer To: how do i know if he is gay??? (chris)

This is a very common question, and quite frankly, there's no guaranteed way to know someone is gay. High school makes things even worse, because even if he IS indeed gay, he might be choosing to stay as closeted as you are! Another possibly, let's not forget, is that he's gay, but you're not his type. In such a case, he may choose not to tell you he's gay even if you eventually come out to him.

I suggest you first try to learn a little bit about him, and perhaps you know enough already to make a basic judgment call on his sexual orientation. See if he talks about girls, if he likes sports, if he's left handed (left-handedness provides a little more evidence towards being gay!). Also, see if you can notice whom he looks at (when he's not realizing you're observing him...but don't become a stalker!) For example, does he check out girls? guys? both?

Once you have some strong hints that he might be bi/gay, you'll have to take a bit of a chance to get to the next step. I suggest throwing some clues to him and seeing how he reacts. For example, stand or sit a little bit too close to him. Let your arm brush against his in the movie theater and see if he moves his or leaves it there. Be creative without explicitly coming out! The worst that can happen is that he's straight but gets a sense that you're either very friendly or maybe gay. The friendship COULD conceivably be affected, but then again, how good a friend would that make him anyway? The best is that you soon feel comfortable enough to tell him you're gay, and he does the same. But it's most likely that something will happen in the middle of those two examples...that's how life works! Remember, no risk = no reward. So take a little chance and live a little! Good luck and let me know how it goes!

- JEFF

Questions In This Thread

• how do i know if he is gay???
  chris -- September 15
  • look for the clues, then take a chance!
    Jeff -- October 8

Ask Jeff & Anthony is maintained by Anthony .