Ask Jeff & Anthony

Can I accept gay feelings without being gay???

Submitted By: Questioning
Date: January 3

I'd like to say I think your site is great - very informative and very real answers to people's questions. This is my first time looking at Gay Advice sites.
I'm 30, and I realized at 18 that the love I felt for my friends was the same love that I feel for women. I've never had a homosexual interaction (apart from pre-teen exploring), but find that sometimes I'm attracted to other men, in an emotional way. I don't ever want to have physical contact or a relationship with a man (it's just, well, gross (fine for others but not me), and the social consequences are pretty heavy ), but am afraid of being typed as gay (I have been before - in British boarding school -pretty aggressive mass name-hurling; and then suspected of being gay by workmates at 25). I think I have been hiding this affection from myself for quite some time, and don't want to act on it, and want to learn how to come to terms with it - not supressing it, nor acting on it either. I'm still afraid of being seen as gay, and wonder what effects it has on people's lives. I've found that for the past 12 years I've been trying to "become fully straight" through isolating personality traits and trying to make them more "masculine". It doesn't work. However, I want to find a way to accept these feelings, without acting on them, and without them turning me into a stereotypical gay person. Can't a guy just be sensitive without being a wimp and without being gay?

Curious in Hong Kong

Questions In This Thread

• Can I accept gay feelings without being gay???
  Questioning -- January 3
  • Why the obsession with appearing straight??
    Jeff -- January 10

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