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My first breakup

Submitted By: Tyler
Date: January 2

Hello,

I'm a feshman in college, but I graduated early from high school to get away from my close-minded town. I am 17 and I have made out with a few guy, and it was nothing big. Well, at orientation for college I met this great guy. We had so much in common (we had the same major: musical theatre), but we were different at the same time. He came to my house between orientation and our first week. We started making out and things got better from there. Well, the first week of college my roomate left to go back home so Tommy (my boyfriend) and I were making out in my bed. Well, sooner or later, after talking and great bonding, we were making out with our clothes off. He was sitting on my pelvis while I was lying down, and I was obviously aroused. He and I were both virgins and it was the first time we had been fully naked with someone else. We didn't mind, either. Well, we were playing around and he was in thre right place at the right time, and wel... I accidentally slipped in. I felt so bad becasuse (not only had I accidentally slipped in) but Tommy said that he didn't want to have sex til he was "married." But, we talked after that happened. He said that if it happened, he was glad that it was me. After that week, we started having sex. This is something I didn't plan on doing for a while. But I don't regret it for a second. Well, we were going out for about 3 months and he told me he felt pushed away. I didn't notice what I had done, but he said that I didn't like to get close to him and I wasn't very spontaneous. I thought that I was paying him very much attention, but maybe it wasn't enough. He told me later that he wanted to take some time apart, and I started crying. He did too, because he didn't want to hurt me or see me being hurt. After seeing me in this condition, he said he'd try to find out what was completely wrong and we would work it out. Well, the next few days, he started messing around with another guy in our dorm. (It was just making out but it really hurt me.) I came to Tommy crying to tell him how disappointed I was with him, because I didn't feel like his little speech was "breaking up." Even if it was, it was a little too early to get together with someone else. He thought it was, and I can see where there was misunderstanding. Well, now he says that it really wasn't a rush because he felt like it was over for a while, because he says I didn't pay enough attention to him. He is not a bad guy. In fact, he's one of the nicest, most talented, and romantic men in the world. He doesn't want to get back with me because he says he doesn't feel "it" anymore because of my "lack" of attention to him. I can't handle seeing him move on past me, but he has assured me he will not have sex anymore. (Neither will I because I treasure what we had together.) He is still my best friend, but I do'nt feel anything coming from him. I love him and I just don't know how to get over him. He was a great guy, and I had to be separated from him. It hurts inside. I've tried writing, singing, speaking into the air... nothing seems to work for me. I don't feel that I have closure, so I will compare any guy to Tommy. I don't feel like I have the feelings enough for anyone on Earth to move on. I'm sorry for the big story and wine, but I just wanted you to know where I'm coming from. Please help me. I'm in a depression and I need to dig myself out and start living again.
Thank you so much,
Tyler

Questions In This Thread

• My first breakup
  Tyler -- January 2
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