Ask Jeff & Anthony

We can't choose our parents!

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: April 27

In Answer To: My parents view on gays. (Stephen)

It's too bad we can't pick our parents. And dealing with what I call "brainwashed homophobic parents" is just a part of life for many young gay people. I genuinely feel sorry for you, while at the same time think the most practical solution for you at this stage of your life is to keep your parents out of your love life.

There may come a time where you feel it's appropriate to come out to them, but certainly at you're age and given the description you've already given me of your dad, I'd make that decision VERY carefully and do it after you're SURE you have some other place to live should the worst come to pass.

Your parents might ultimately surprise you, as mine did. I didn't tell my parents till I was about 21 because I so feared that my Dad was a mega-homophobe and would smash me to pieces. In actuality, when I finally came out, he was only annoyed that I didn't trust him enough to tell him earlier. I am now closer to my parents than I've ever been.

So for now, relax, take a deep breath, and realize that your parents aren't perfect. Their homophobic beliefs are dead wrong, but you have to live with them just as you have to live with their other flaws. Seek support in your friends and your boyfriend...you are very very lucky to have them. And over time, figure out the ways you can begin to chip at the intolerance and prejudice so well established in your parents minds.

Please get back to me and let me know how you're doing!!!!!

Questions In This Thread

• My parents view on gays.
  Stephen -- April 20
  • We can't choose our parents!
    Jeff -- April 27

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