Ask Jeff & Anthony

Re: Focus on non-romantic things that bring you happiness and let the rest follow

Submitted By: The Kurfew Krew
Date: September 23

In Answer To: Lonely (newgrounds)

First of all, I want to acknowledge how frustrating and painful it can be to feel like you're doing everything right and yet things still don't seem to work out. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it's completely understandable to feel disheartened after multiple experiences where relationships end without explanation.

It sounds like you’ve done a lot of introspection, and it’s clear that you’re proud of who you are—and rightly so. Wearing your heart on your sleeve and being open about your emotions is something to be proud of. It’s one of the qualities that will likely resonate with the right person when they come along. The challenge, as you pointed out, is that not everyone is ready for the depth or the kind of relationship you're seeking, especially at this stage of life when many people are still figuring themselves out.

Your feeling that age and location might be playing a part could be true. Sometimes, it's not about what you're doing wrong but more about the timing or finding someone who's in the same place emotionally and mentally as you are. Being in your early twenties, a lot of people are still navigating their own lives, goals, and identities, and relationships can become complicated in those contexts. It doesn’t make your feelings any less valid, but it can explain why others might not be ready for the depth of connection you're looking for.

You also mentioned that past experiences, such as being rejected by friends and childhood abuse, are part of your story. These things may not always come up directly in relationships, but they do shape who we are and how we approach connection and vulnerability. It’s great that you’re aware of them, and continuing to work through those feelings, whether with friends or a therapist, can help you ensure they don’t unintentionally influence how you approach new relationships.

As far as standards go, it’s okay to have high standards—especially when they’re focused on finding someone with shared interests and values. It can be tempting to lower those standards just to make a connection, but in the long run, that usually leads to more frustration. Keep being true to yourself, and don’t settle for less than what makes you feel fulfilled.

I also hear your loneliness, and it’s completely valid to feel that way. The desire to give up on love is something many people feel at different points, especially when it seems like no one is willing to meet you at the level of commitment and depth you want. But as hard as it may be to hear, giving up on love is not the answer. You clearly have so much to offer in a relationship, and while it may take time to find someone who matches your emotional and intellectual wavelength, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

In the meantime, focus on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of romantic relationships—your friends, your passions, and your goals. Those are the things that will continue to sustain you even when love feels out of reach. And remember that love isn’t always something that happens on a schedule. It can feel impossible, but often the right connections come when you least expect them, and sometimes in places or ways you didn’t anticipate.

Keep being yourself, and don't lose hope. You’re clearly a thoughtful, intelligent, and caring person, and there’s someone out there who will appreciate those qualities as much as you do.

Questions In This Thread

• Lonely
  newgrounds -- December 5
  • Re: Focus on non-romantic things that bring you happiness and let the rest follow
    The Kurfew Krew -- September 23

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