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Re: SO CONFUSED

Submitted By: The Kurfew Krew
Date: September 23

In Answer To: SO CONFUSED (avi)

Thank you for sharing your story—it sounds like you've been through a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling confused and hurt. What you’re describing touches on a really important aspect of human sexuality: its versatility and complexity. Sexuality doesn’t always fit neatly into categories like “lesbian,” “bisexual,” or “straight.” It’s a fluid experience, and people often have shifting feelings, desires, and attractions over time, sometimes in ways that even they don’t fully understand.

In your friend’s case, it’s possible that she was genuinely attracted to you, even though she might have never considered herself interested in girls before. Sometimes, feelings for a specific person transcend labels, and it sounds like she was really drawn to you in those intense two weeks. When she said she wasn’t “into girls” but was into you, she could have been trying to process this new territory for herself—being with someone who didn’t fit her usual experiences or self-understanding. That’s not uncommon. The secrecy and intensity of the relationship could have added to her excitement, but at the same time, it might have contributed to her later feeling overwhelmed and confused.

Her freakout after smoking weed may have been a catalyst for her stepping back and realizing she wasn’t ready to confront her feelings, whether they were about her own sexuality or the relationship with you. It’s not unusual for people to retreat when faced with new and complicated emotions, especially when there’s fear or uncertainty about how others will perceive them.

Even if she were fully comfortable with liking girls or even identified as a lesbian, it’s still possible that something changed for her. She might have met someone else, her feelings for you might have shifted, or she simply wasn’t ready for the emotional depth of the relationship. Sometimes, people can be deeply into something for a time and then withdraw for reasons that have nothing to do with attraction or sexuality. Feelings can be unpredictable, and while her actions may seem confusing and contradictory, they’re not necessarily uncommon when people are figuring themselves out.

It’s also possible that she’s struggling with internalized discomfort about liking girls, which could explain her shutting down or refusing to give you clear answers. That “lockdown mode” might be her way of protecting herself from fully facing her feelings, especially if she’s not ready to deal with how this might impact her identity or how others perceive her.

At the end of the day, whether she’s straight, bisexual, or somewhere else on the spectrum, what matters most is that her feelings and actions toward you changed. Even if it hurts, try not to get too caught up in figuring out her exact label or motivations. Sometimes, the best explanation is that feelings shift, and what once felt right may no longer feel the same for her. If you think, in time, that the benefits of her friendship outweigh your sadness over the loss of the romantic aspect, you can decide whether it’s worth nurturing that friendship or whether you need to give yourself the space to move on. Both choices are valid, and only you can decide what’s best for your emotional health.

You deserve clarity and respect in any relationship, and while it’s hard not to have the answers you’re looking for, it might help to focus on healing and moving forward. It’s clear that you felt deeply for her, and that’s real and valid. But if she’s unable to communicate or offer a clear path forward, it’s okay to prioritize your own emotional health and give yourself space to process this. In time, you’ll find someone who’s ready to meet you with the same level of interest and care that you deserve.

Stay strong, and remember that these kinds of experiences, while painful, can help you grow and learn more about yourself and what you want in a relationship moving forward.

Questions In This Thread

• SO CONFUSED
  avi -- January 21
  • Re: SO CONFUSED
    The Kurfew Krew -- September 23

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