Ask Jeff & Anthony

Is bareback safe...?

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: January 16

In Answer To: is bareback safe...? (bareback lover)

First of all, let me remind you and readers that I am not a medical doctor, so my advice is based on the enormous amount of literature I read on this topic.

First of all, I don't like the term "bareback" because it's used by some in the gay community to indicate a rebellious streak by those who proudly (and stupidly) seek out risky activity. In those cases, the type of sexual activity they seek is dangerous to the point of being suicidal.

Instead, the question is really whether you and your partner are at a point where you can trust each other enough to stop using protection. And ultimately that's a question only you can answer. Things to consider:

(1) Even though both of you have taken AIDS tests, it can sometimes take up to 6 months from infection (and perhaps longer) for a positive result to show up on conventional HIV tests.
(2) There are other common diseases such as herpes, genital warts, hepatitis C, and others that don't necessarily show up on conventional screening tests.
(3) Even if you feel that you fully trust your partner, there's always the possibility that he might cheat behind your back, and even engage in risky activity that might then put you at risk.
(4) Being the receptive partner is generally more dangerous than being the insertive partner. So if you are generally the receptive partner, the above points become ever more significant.

You can't eliminate risk, but you can minimize it by being in a committed and proven relationship for 8 months to a year before considering abandoning safe sex practices, and then only if there's a firm understanding and commitment to monogamy. You would need to feel 100% certain that your partner is being honest and faithful. Of course, there's no rule that says you have to abandon safe sex altogether. You might just continue practicing safe sex, or perhaps choose a hybrid approach, such as using condoms for anal sex but not for oral sex (being sure that neither partner ejaculates in the other's mouth, since that is high risk). And remember that mutual masturbation can be done quite safely without condoms.

Ultimately, you have to decide how much risk you're willing to bear and how much benefit you'll personally derive by discontinuing safe sex practices with your partner. So consider carefully, don't disregard your healthy and safety for the sake of a little convenience, and good luck!

Questions In This Thread

• is bareback safe...?
  bareback lover -- January 16
  • Is bareback safe...?
    Jeff -- January 16

Ask Jeff & Anthony is maintained by Anthony .