Ask Jeff & Anthony

You are what you eat....

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: January 8

In Answer To: How to find HIM... (Charlie)

People often make broad generalizations such as "you can't find a decent guy at a club," or "you can't find a decent guy on the internet," etc. But the fact of the matter is that for gay people, nightclubs and the internet are critical meeting places because of the lack of institutional and cultural supports for gay relationships, as well as the general homophobia in society. In most towns, you can't just walk up to a guy, tell him he's cute, and ask him if he's gay (although some people DO do that, but at their risk).

There are some very decent guys at Kurfew and other clubs. The problem, as Anthony has acknowledged, is that the boys interested in a quick "hookup" are not the same ones seeking relaitonships. And if your keeping the option open for quick hookups, that's exactly what you're going to find time and time again.

Try carrying on some deeper conversations, even with some people that might not be #1 or #2 on your attractiveness list. Make it a point to learn something new about someone's hobbies, career or interests. Purge the sex from your mind and explore what people are thinking, believing, saying...and then, as Anthony said, exchange numbers and use the phone. A meaningful relationship is much more likely to evolve over time; not from a hookup.

Questions In This Thread

• How to find HIM...
  Charlie -- November 13
  • Stop wasting time!
    Anthony -- November 29
  • You are what you eat....
    Jeff -- January 8

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