Ask Jeff & Anthony

Re: It's your decision to make...

Submitted By: Jason
Date: June 8

In Answer To: It's your decision to make... (Jeff)

Thank you for your reply. I know that I'm not alone in my "only-child" dilemma. However, between my writing you and your reply I did come out to my parents and co-workers. At the time of my letter (early March) I was only out to my closest friends.

I have grown up in a town of approximately 2000 inhabitants all of my life in a Bible belt community. Coming to terms with your sexuality (since only fundamentlist preachers are there to counsel youth) was hard enough but coming out is eminently tougher. I voluntarily told my mother about my sexuality and after my father found out that I was spending a lot of time with my openly gay best friend (he was not aware of our friendship since...umm...preschool) and he "made me" tell him.

My experience with coming out at home as been a slow process of acceptance and there has yet to be a full acceptance from either parent. Luckily I'm still living here and haven't been kicked out or anything. My best of advice to any teen who suspects his parents may react poorly to his "coming out" is to wait until your 18. You'd be very suprised how much things change when you turn 18 in your relationship with your parents.

What I really want to talk about is my coming out experience at work. I've worked in a typical teenage fast food job for about a year. My gay best friend that I mentioned above works there and with his influence we became an openly gay duo at work. The acceptance by my supervisors and my co-workers has not only been suprising but going to work at this fast food place is a pleasure (if you can believe that). We also paved the way for another co-worker of ours to come out to us and he and I have forged a great friendship. I usually share with him the things I hope no one else over hears. Now that I have graduated from high school I will be leaving my job there in order to move and attend a university in the fall. I will miss working there more than anything.

Some people anticipate their coming out as being this magical gateway to a land of rainbows, bunnies, shopping and gay pride. Others anticipate their experience as being one in which they will abandoned, killed, unemployed, friendless, hated, or some other dismal turn of fortune. Neither one of these sets of expectations is totally accurate. Life goes on and chances are you will be happier at least because you have finally rid yourself of a mask you have worn for years. You only have enough energy in your body to be one person and you will exhaust yourself trying to be two or more.

I think Kurfew provides wonderful services to the youth of the cities in which they set up camp. I would like to see outlets for queer youth in rural areas to be formed because the process of discovering you're gay and coming out is much different.

Best of luck to you all.

--Jason

Questions In This Thread

• Only child - should I come out???
  Jason -- March 7
  • It's your decision to make...
    Jeff -- June 6
    • Re: It's your decision to make...
      Jason -- June 8

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