Ask Jeff & Anthony

"Attraction" is more than meets the eye

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: October 3

In Answer To: Attractive Big Guy? hmmm. (Just Tim)

It's a common paradox: A guy complains that everybody is only interested in looks, but then only wants someone very good looking for himself!

The first point I want to mention, is that I have come across dozens of very good looking guys who can't for the life of them get a date! The reason? They lack the social skills for making the right connection...more on that later...

An important key to finding someone who loves you is to appreciate the fact that there does exist a type of "class system" with regard to physical appearance. And just like people within similar financial classes tend to stay together (e.g. the rich marry rich, the poor marry poor), so do those with similar appearance classes stay together. People who continuously strive for those outside of their "class" tend to face repeated disappointment, as it is uncommon to find a long-term relationship borne of vastly differing physical appearances.

There are exceptions that revolve around the diversity of tastes among human beings. There are skinny guys, for example, who have a particular physical attraction to heavier guys. They aren't in the majority, but it's worth mentioning. There are also those who value other aspects of a relationship far more than physical appearance. This is more common among women, but you will indeed find men who are especially attracted to guys who can give them the solid emotional support they seek.

So what are you to do? If you're unhappy about your weight, that's something you should begin working on, regardless of your potential love interests. Next, you need to acknowledge that as rotten as it sounds, a type of "class system" does exist with the few exceptions mentioned, which should better help you focus your energy on finding and meeting people who will most likely be attracted to you. Finally, don't discount personality, which is sometimes significantly more powerful than even physical appearance for initiating a relationship. The reason so many good looking guys can't get dates is that by expecting their looks are going to do all the work, they fail to develop the proper social skills to secure a successful date!

On the flip side, a heavier guy with an average appearance who is lively, sociable and friendly and doesn't aim only for the "supermodel type" can wind up with more dates than the "supermodel" type. It takes time to hone these social skills, but the best starting point is to practice sriking up conversations (Kurfew is a good place to try this!) with a wide variety of people (including those you aren't especially attracted to). First of all, you'll discover that the social interaction with new people is quite fulfilling in and of itself in terms of relieving some loneliness. Second, you may discover, quite by accident, an attraction to someone with a mutual attraction to you...the perfect starting point to a long-term relationship..

Questions In This Thread

• Attractive Big Guy? hmmm.
  Just Tim -- September 19
  • "Attraction" is more than meets the eye
    Jeff -- October 3

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