Ask Jeff & Anthony

Apologize for your past actions and reflect on why they happened

Submitted By: The Kurfew Krew
Date: September 23

In Answer To: love problems (Ross)

It’s clear that you have feelings for this guy, and that’s completely okay. It’s normal to feel insecure or conflicted, especially if this is your first time having an experience like this. It sounds like there’s a part of you that really cares for him, but another part of you might be acting distant or defensive because you’re feeling vulnerable or unsure of how to deal with those emotions. Sometimes when we feel exposed, we act in ways that don’t truly reflect how we feel—like when you made fun of him or acted like a jerk online. It’s worth reflecting on why you’ve reacted that way. Is it because you’re scared of getting too close? Or maybe afraid of being hurt? These are normal feelings, but it’s important to acknowledge them, because they might be causing you to push someone away when deep down, you want to connect.

If you truly care about him and want to make things right, it’s important to be honest—not only with him, but with yourself. You might want to reach out and apologize for how you acted, explaining that you weren’t sure how to handle your feelings and that led you to behave in ways you regret. Being able to reflect on why you acted like that is the first step toward making changes and being more authentic in your relationships.

As for telling him how you feel, there’s no perfect way to do that, and it’s natural to feel scared about being vulnerable. He may not react the way you hope, but being open and honest with someone—especially when you care about them—is a sign of strength. You could say something like:

"I’ve been thinking a lot about the time we spent together, and I realize I acted in ways that didn’t reflect how I really feel. I’m sorry for that. The truth is, I care about you and felt something that night. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, but I didn’t mean to push you away."

This opens up a path for him to respond, whether he feels the same way or not. If he truly cares about you, he’ll appreciate your honesty. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, at least you’ll know you were honest, and that’s a huge step forward.

It’s also important to remember that relationships are about mutual respect. If you’re going to move forward with this—or any relationship—it’s crucial to respect not just his boundaries, but your own feelings as well. If this relationship doesn’t go the way you hope, that’s okay. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are and treats you with the same care and attention that you’re willing to give.

Lastly, give yourself credit for recognizing where things went wrong and wanting to make it right. Reflecting on why you might act distant or defensive is a huge step in understanding yourself better, and that will help you in future relationships, whether with him or someone else.

Questions In This Thread

• love problems
  Ross -- September 14
  • Apologize for your past actions and reflect on why they happened
    The Kurfew Krew -- September 23

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