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Confessions of a Shit Magnet

Submitted By: Wondering, Waiting, Wishing
Date: June 4

In Answer To: What do I do? (Aaron)

So I have never done any of these asking things before, so I apologize if this is a confusing mess. Here it goes-
I am 22 years old, about to graduate from college in this next week. I have been out and proud for 3 years without any apology. Since I was with a guy for 6 years before that, I had time to figure out what I physically wanted, but after a suicide attempt, I realized that I needed to come out, end things with that pice of crap, and take a break from relationships until I was in a place where I could make healthy decisions that wouldn't get the best of me ever again. From there, I took 3 years to discover me and what I want in life. After a whole lot of mistakes, I'm almost where I want to be, except I can't seem to find a guy that actually gets me. Well, at least that's what I thought until recently.

So last week, one of my many straight friends, we'll call him Carter, had an interesting conversation with me. Carter has always been a huge contradiction- ROTC, frat guy, hopeless romantic, man whore, musical theater buff, ABBA fanatic, basically, he burns through enough conflicting stereotypes to make your head spin. Anyways, we were doing our normal banter, cracking jokes, and just talking the shit. Out of the blue, I get this from him: "But in all seriousness, you are kind of perfect, you're exactly what I'm looking for in someone. You make me laugh and you get me, and most of all, you're not like anyone else I've ever met. You really aren't what I expected when I first met you, and that's what I love about you. I just with that I was gay so that we could be together." Given, we were all drunk, but not belligerent, but I still feel like what he said came from somewhere. I wish I could make this shit up. Usually, I'm the guy that can't even get the courtesy "well this was fun" at the end of a one night stand, and then I have this Nicholas Sparks crap slung in my head.

After he said that, I was mad, so fucking mad, and after cooling off, I realized that I had feelings for him. I think a part of me had always wished we could somehow be together, because in all seriousness I have never met a guy who had this effect on me. Even with the other guy I was with for six years, I never felt like this. I truly feel like Carter is a near perfect match for me, and I can't get him out of my head, I really feel like I have real feelings for this guy, and it's not easy an easy task for me to develop such feelings, which have only grown stronger in the past two weeks.

Now I'm so confused as to what to do about it. Do I pursue it? Do I move on before I make a fool of myself trying to fight societal norms? How should I deal with him? I've already been texting him, talking shit like always, just hoping he'll bring up "so that other night..." but I feel like I shouldn't hold my breath. Is it possible that I'm just dramatizing this? Some of my friends this that I am only interested in him because he's unattainable. If this were just a passing fancy, I would agree with that, but I have real feelings for him. Now, I'm going crazy waiting for something to happen. Is Carter a waste of my time? I'm really scared of getting my heart broken again.

Questions In This Thread

• What do I do?
  Aaron -- March 14
  • Face the facts
    Anthony -- June 6
  • Confessions of a Shit Magnet
    Wondering, Waiting, Wishing -- June 4

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