Ask Jeff & Anthony

Develop realistic expectations!

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: August 2

In Answer To: Do you have a guy for me? (Dimitrius)

There are PLENTY of suitable people out there, but locating and establishing contact with a compatible one is a matter of setting realistic expecations and learning how to initiate contact. One friend of mind (I'll call him JOE) can walk down a single city block and find the boy of his dreams. Another friend (I'll call him ROB) has a vivid physical description of his ideal male partner, and, needless to say, he's been searching everywhere for YEARS. Both Joe and Rob are reasonably attractive people...but the difference is their expectation levels are entirely different. The key to finding a satisfying relationship is learning how to manage your expectations so that you get a healthy number of opportunities for dating and romance.

If you have some very narrow criteria for the type of guy you want to meet (some would call this being "very picky"), you'll either have to face reality that you're going to be lonely for most of your life, or make a conscious effort to be more open-minded (I'll use the term "open-minded" instead of "less picky," because I can already hear the gay boys screaming, "I will NEVER be LESS PICKY!!!"). If, however, you are not picky enough, you'll wind up wasting energy on people that you will probably never feel compatible with, and might get lured into the unfulfilling addiciton of promiscuous sex.

Once you've learned to set realistic expectations, you need to develop the social tools to make the critical "break-the-ice" move with someone you may be interested in. This takes time and practice, but once mastered, you might be amazed at the number of quality individuals that are interested in you when you establish the right first-contact. Many guys don't master these skills until their late 20s or 30s, and this often explains why some older guys seem to get tons of dates while some hot young 20 year old is sitting home alone. Where to practice? Well, of course I'll mention Kurfew. But you can even practice these social skills with girls and even with straight boys (just be careful not to give them the wrong...or, should I say, the right...idea lest they turn out to be violently homophobic). When it's a gay boy you're interested in, you'll quickly learn (or at least you SHOULD quickly learn) how to pick up on the cues the he is interested in you, or not. Once you get the hang of it, you'll discover that there are LOTS of other quality boys out there who are just waiting for YOU to make the first move!

Questions In This Thread

• Do you have a guy for me?
  Dimitrius -- August 2
  • Develop realistic expectations!
    Jeff -- August 2
  • Quit your whining!
    Anthony -- August 5

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