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Dylan, I've been there...

Submitted By: Jeff
Date: November 24

In Answer To: HELP- IM SCARED ABOUT MY SEXULATIY.. (Dylan)

Dylan,

I've been in your exact predicament, and I know what you're going through. In fact, Kurfew was born of the exact same fears and frustrations that I lived through in my own youth, and my personal desire to help others go through that totally unneccessary hell.

The feeling I bet you have is one of being raised in "one world," and then realizing you may be part of a "different world," which seems completely alien to you and counter to everything you and your family know and believe. But the truth of the matter is that we're all part of the SAME world. I'm going to hopefully give you a few pieces of advice that you can act on to speed up the process of self-acceptance and finding a route towards being a happy, well-adjusted person.

(1) You seem rational and secure enough to avoid harming yourself, but as a precaution I'd have you promise me that you will purge suicidal thoughts from your mind. When I was 16 and very suicidal, I made a promise to myself: Should I ever get so depressed to the point that I was ready to take my own life, I would save up a few hundred dollars, get on a plane, and start a new life in a totally different country. Of course, I never acted on this, but the point is that suicide is an incredibly final act that is usually decided by a mind not in the best state to make a judgement in your own best interest. I'm so glad that I survived that "war period" of my life, and can go on to show others that it is indeed possible to be not just content, but extremely happy and satisfied with life as a gay person.

(2) Recognize that you were not "cursed." Homosexuality has existed throughout history, within every culture, and is being discovered to exist harmoniously in nature among giraffes, monkeys, and hundreds of other animals.

(3) Recognize that the "problem," is that our culture is one that is very homophobic, mostly as a result of certain religious influences. As a black man, you can probably appreciate that racism too was once an integral part of American culture and society. But today, while racism can't be fully purged from the minds of racists, America has learned how to accept and embrace racial diversity. You're living in the midst of America's learning process for accepting and embracing sexual diversity.

Here's a plan of action I suggest for you:

(1) You need to talk to others. As difficult as it is, getting out to a community group, or even initiating conversation online with other gay people, will immediately make you feel significantly better. It's the single best thing you can do to improving your situation, for it
s the pain of isolation and loneliness that is the hardest part of growing up in your situation.

(2) Redirect your anger, fear, frustration towards productive activities. By age 17 I had a national magazine column, and started a successful small computer software company. My parents thought I was a child prodigy, but the simple fact was that these achievements grew completely out of my attempts to put the "gay issue" out of my mind.

(3) Find a confidant, a girl or boy who you can express your true feelings to. Even if this is an online friend. Having an outlet to express yourself is the single most important thing you can do right now.

(4) Keep me updated and let me know how it goes!

Questions In This Thread

• HELP- IM SCARED ABOUT MY SEXULATIY..
  Dylan -- November 24
  • Dylan, I've been there...
    Jeff -- November 24

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