Ask Jeff & Anthony

Budding romance - butting ex

Submitted By: T-boy
Date: November 18

In Answer To: Right on the money (Anthony)

Dear Jeff and Anthony,

I got out of a emotionally abusive 14 month relationship back in May, and recently realized that I would like to start dating again. I met a guy at a restaraunt by day/bar by night type of place a few weeks ago, and we started talking. We discovered that we share an ex-roommate from different times in our lives and his boyfriend as friends of ours, and we seemed to hit it off fairly well when we started dating. I also learned this guy I am seeing recently #####ed a long and equally emotionally abusive relationship. I asked him a few nights ago if he thought there had "been enough time," since his break-up, and he pretty much said there's no time limit on healing and that he thinks "we" could be a good thing. As far as relationships go, we obviously have something in common. I, however, am far more sexually experienced than he is, altho we are only 18 months apart (I'm 22, he's soon to be 21). We are taking our time tho, and everything there seems to be fine. One of my worries, tho, is that he still lives with his ex-boyfriend. I'm not worried that he will cheat or "go back", but my worry stems from the fact that his ex is continuing his abusive ways and is very immaturely trying to "get in the way." I'm worried that I may offer too much advice based on past experience, and that I may be interjecting too much of my personal feelings on the situation into it. I would love to be there for him, but at the same time I don't want him to view me as a psychologist or a parent or mentor or anything. I'd like him to view me as the guy that is interested in him and the guy who would like to support his decisions. He is quite a capable person, but at the same time, I feel he wouldn't tell me what is going on there if he wasn't maybe seeking advice or help from me. I've never really dealt with something like this before, yet I see how I handle this as crucial to how we may "turn out." Any advice?

Thanks for your time,
T-boy

Questions In This Thread

• It it strange....?
  maybe it's just me -- June 10
  • Right on the money
    Anthony -- June 10
    • Budding romance - butting ex
      T-boy -- November 18
      • Stay out of it
        Anthony -- November 21

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