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Fears of Coming out In a Poem

Submitted By: Jesse James
Date: 1/11

I live in a small town in Nebraska. I am terrified that if I came out that I will end up like Brandon Teena. Yet I have this overwhelming urge to reveal my true self. I have told a couple people, including my family that I am gay and they have accepted me. The best thing in the world to hear after telling someone your gay 'so what?'. It was reassuring to know that it wasn't a huge issue with them. But every day in school I hear hate talk about gays. Everyone suspects that I am but I deny it constantly. In my old school I was the outcast and since I've moved here I am popular. I'm scared that I will be shunned by the whole community if I come out. Even my friends that accept me now would probably stop talking to me if I was exiled. My fears can best be explained in this poem I wrote a couple months ago. I hope it will let other people know they're not alone in feeling scared.

Crashing Down:
everything is crashing down
there is no place else to be
so called friends they can't be found
no one here to comfort me

darkest secret been revealed
everyone is passing ruling
open wounds that can't be healed
salt been poured the pain is grueling

now i am the main attraction
peers stop to point and stare
it is not my planned reaction
i feel exposed cold and bare

i can take it i am strong
though i feel i'm growing weak
is what i did really wrong
now i feel just like a freak

i'm just trying to stay away
finding shadows in which to hide
ignoring all the things they say
their words like knives inside

so i'll hide just a little longer
long enough for them to forget
all alone left and left to ponder
this day i will always regret

the day i show my true face
now i stand without my mask
met with shame and disgrace
no one cares to even ask

how i feel through all of this
people will never know why
days of being normal I will miss
why didn't i just live the lie

i guess it depends on who you are
be yourself they always say
no one knows how extremely hard
it is just to live when your gay

-Jesse James

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