Ask Jeff & Anthony

How to support your cousin

Submitted By: The Kurfew Krew
Date: September 23

In Answer To: I have a young gay cousin (Rene´)

Thank you for reaching out and for caring so deeply about your cousin—he's lucky to have someone like you in his life who truly supports him. It's heartbreaking to hear that he's struggled so much, but the fact that he came out to you shows that he trusts you and values your support.

Here are a few things you can do to help him through this difficult time:

Be a Consistent Source of Support: One of the most important things you can do is continue to let him know that you love and support him unconditionally. Just being there for him, especially when other family members may not fully understand what he’s going through, can make a huge difference. Remind him that his feelings are valid and that his life has immense value.

Encourage Professional Help: If he’s struggled with suicide, it’s important that he has access to professional support. Encourage him to reach out to a counselor or therapist who is LGBTQ+ friendly and can help him navigate the emotional challenges he's facing. If in-person resources are limited due to the small town he lives in, there are many online counseling services specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals.

Connect Him with LGBTQ+ Communities: One of the hardest things about living in a small town is the feeling of isolation, especially if he's surrounded by people who don’t understand what he’s going through. You can help him connect with online communities where he can talk to others who share his experiences. Websites like The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ Reddit forums, or even local LGBTQ+ groups (if available nearby) can provide him with a safe space to express himself and find support from others who truly understand.

Reassure Him It’s Not Just a Phase: It’s so important that he hears from you that his identity is not a phase. Living in a small town and facing disbelief from family members can be incredibly isolating, and knowing that at least one person fully accepts him for who he is can be life-saving. Continue to reinforce that his feelings are valid and that he deserves love and acceptance exactly as he is.

Share Resources: There are many organizations that offer support to LGBTQ+ youth, such as:

The Trevor Project: They offer crisis intervention and suicide prevention services (they have a chat line and a phone line for immediate help).
It Gets Better Project: This is a community of people sharing their stories about overcoming challenges and finding acceptance.
PFLAG: A group for parents, families, and allies of LGBTQ+ people, offering support and resources that might help you as well.
Help Him Plan for the Future: Sometimes, when people are feeling hopeless, it’s helpful to think about the future and what possibilities lie ahead. If he’s feeling trapped in his small town, talking about plans for after school, moving to a city, or attending college where there’s more acceptance might help him see a brighter future.

The most important thing is that you’re there for him and that you keep that line of communication open. Let him know that you’re proud of him for being honest about who he is, and that no matter what, you’re going to be there for him.

Please continue to check in with him, and don't hesitate to get in touch with any of the organizations above if he needs more direct help.

Questions In This Thread

• I have a young gay cousin
  Rene´ -- October 14
  • How to support your cousin
    The Kurfew Krew -- September 23

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