Ask Dave

What can I do?

Submitted By: Nathan
Date: 2/5/01

Whats up Dave.... I just found this Kurfew site and its pretty kewl...Well let me tell ya my situation. Im 15 now and living with my grandparents, by choice in NJ. My mom lives in Florida, She moved there like 7 years ago and I have lived with her off and on... But NJ is where I was born and raised and I like it here (Most of the time). I've known I was gay since about I was 11. When I was younger I really didnt know what it meant to be gay, But when I moved with my mom in Florida I soon found out. It was around my 13th birthday and I was starting to be asked alot. I had a big group of friends and I only had told like 6 of em' But other people started asking me like at school or kids that we'd meet and I would deny it. I wasnt the kind of kid who didnt do anything all my friends were straight and I had (and still have a very active social life). So more and more people would ask me, And I was gettin' pretty sick and tired about having to lie about it. My friends were basically telling me just to tell everyone. I remember the nite that I first told one of the guys in my group. I had snuck out and it was about 12:30 on a ##### nite (My moms strick another reason I choose not to live with her) I was on my way to my friend Heather's apartment. (We lived in an Apartment Complex) But as I was walking I turned the corner and saw our friend Mitch sitting on the cement inside the tennis courts by himself, Drinking a 40... He called me over and we started talking, I was real happy cause I was crushin on him bad. (He was 16 and real cute) Then he asked me if he could ask me something, Knowing exactly at he was talking about I said "yeah" I was glad he was about to ask me because I was waiting for the perfect moment to tell them, So basically what he said was the usual "are you gay" I didnt say anything I just kept on letting him talk, He was like its such a big mystery and stuff like that, I was so glad he was aking me because he was really sweet and he didnt do it in a mean way, he did it in a kinda sweet funny way. So I told him I was, And he just started asking questions and if I was with anybody he knew and stuff. So he walked me to Heather's and I told him not to tell anyone else. When I told Heather I told him I was freaked because I couldnt belive I had done it by myself. But after I calmed down I started thinkin about if he was gonna tell so I was freaked. So I saw him the next day with the guys and i stopped and said hi and stuff I didnt want to stay just in case he had told, But no one said anything. So I kept walking on my way somewhere I forget. So like a week had past and I kept on thinkn something bad waa gonna happen. But it never did. So one day we were all sittng on the steps of our friend Vince's apartment, It was me, Ashley,Erin,and Mitch who knew already, So I was ready to tell everyone else. I dont remember who brought it up but Vince had asked me, And I just said "yeah" Oh lord I didnt know what was gonna happen, You proably know the feeling. Nothing that bad happened though and I had told them that I had told Mitch like 2 weeks ago, and he was the only boy that knew until then. And I was so happy that Mitch didnt tell anyone. So after that day I didnt deny it anymore, In school I did for awhile but then just told em'. So I was glad after I told them because now people would know and guys started coming up to me who were in the closet, And we had our fun. And it was great. So there's basically all the stuff that happened in Florida. But now Im back in NJ... Let me explain alittle about the situation up here. I live in a very small town, And everyone knows each other and #####, Alot of my family lives in this town. My cousin's who are very popular and straight and all that, So it wouldnt be smart to tell everyone down here. I've only told one person, My friend Alicia, She's 17 and I trust her. My cousin who is 19 is a ##### and like an idol in this town, Even people I've never met know me or refer to me as Travis's cousin. Im scared to tell people because I know what can happen and I dont want anything to change, This town is not as open to diversity as Florida. So its hard to decide. I love chillen with my cousin and if I told people he might not want to be seen with me anymore, Or anyone else for that matter. What would you do. Its crazy though its like night and day form when I was in Florida and everybody knew I was and I had boyfriends and I could be me, Then coming back to this little town, That I still love and not be who I really am. I dont know what to #####en do. Well sorry this was so long and sorry for cursing I didnt know if we were allowed to so I limited it. But thanx

Questions In This Thread

• What can I do?
  Nathan -- 2/5/01
  • It's Your Choice
    Dave -- 2/22/01

Ask Dave is maintained by Dave .