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Bi and Gay Answers

Submitted By: Dave
Date: 12/25/00

In Answer To: Bi and Gay Questions from Argentina (Charlie)

Dear Charlie, Thanks for writing to me and asking a few questions. Your letter basically touches on three issues: your father, bisexuals, and your friend who you like. I will start with your father. I understand you are having difficulties coming out to him because you are the only one left who can have grandchildren. Its okay - you don't have to come out right now or even ever - depending on how you feel. I can imagine how hard it is to realize that you can't have grandchildren because you are gay so that is something you would have to accept, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure with a little talking and communication between you and your dad about your situation will ease some tensions and he will hopefully realize that he has a gay son and its
okay. Also, it's it might help to know that more and more gay people are adopting children or having kids on their own. Secondly, you mentioned bisexuals and how you don't really like them. I think you are just uncomfortable with the idea that they may be using guys just for sexual pleasure and not for love. This isn't true for all bisexuals though. I tend to not want to date bisexuals because I am gay and I don't want my boyfriend to be checking out girls, it just doesn't flow well in my head. So it is okay that you feel that way towards bisexuals just don't discriminate them because that will be stupid. Tolerate them and don't date them. Lastly, you asked how can you tell if a guy was gay or not. This is a very popular question and I still can't give a straight forward answer because I am not even sure. Just talk about gay issues here and there to find out how he views gay people. See how he reacts towards the word gay and conversations about gay people. If he acts in favor of discrimination then he is most likely not
gay. But if you seems open-minded he might either be gay or just gay-friendly which, in either
case, you can benefit from. I hope this helped and answered some of your questions. Thanks for writing.

Dave

[Editor's Note] A brief note to clarify a common misconception about bisexuals: Many bisexuals are capable of falling in love with a single person (of one sex or the other). Just like a gay person, or a straight person, a bisexual will always find other people sexually attractive, whether that be male or female. But the purpose of a relationship is to be committed to the one person you choose. So it's not "twice as difficult" to be faithful, and nor is impossible to be fulfilled with a single person of one particular sex. The bisexuals that the writer has met, who don't want to kiss another man, most likely are trying to convince themselves that they're really "straight" because they use men only for sex. Much more likely is that they are bi, or even gay, and are leading "heterosexual" lives for social convenience, and fulfilling their sexual needs with this physically-oriented encounters. The only important thing to take from this, is that not everybody is like this! So don't give up hope and keep searching the the right man!

Questions In This Thread

• Bi and Gay Questions from Argentina
  Charlie -- 12/25/00
  • Bi and Gay Answers
    Dave -- 12/25/00

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